Divorced dads unite for custody rights
Swati Deshpande, TNN 9 September 2009, 05:34am IST
MUMBAI: With more and more men finding themselves locked in slow-moving and often bitter legal battles to get at least shared legal custody of their kids, some feisty fathers are banding together in Mumbai.
The result of the bonding—between dads as diverse as businessmen and bankers and call-centre executives and ad agency creative heads—is a new group called Children in the Centre (CITC). The group’s aim is to fight for the rights of mostly fathers, but mothers who are temporarily separated from their kids during messy divorce battles are welcome as well.
The latest data from the family court in Bandra show there were 7,781 matrimonial cases pending as of July 31 this year; 178 of them were exclusively custody petitions. The group of interim non-custodial parents (parents without custody of their kids as of now) has about 15 members and most of them are fathers. It is quietly, but with great determination, working away to emphasise “the importance of involvement of both parents in the child’s overall development’’.
Their experience is that family courts often swing totally one way or the other as child-custody battles usually end with one parent getting full control over the minor; the other parent is allowed only partial access during weekends or school holidays. The implementation of an access order is, however, another uphill battle as a non-custodial parent has to contend with the whims of the custodian parent.
One young father, a teacher, whose marital slowdown began with a divorce petition (withdrawn later), is now fighting for greater access of his only child living separately with his wife; she is refusing to come back but wants to be maintained. The visits in the designated children’s access room on the family court premises are sporadic but he is happy when the child is brought there.
Mridula Kadam, a specialist in matrimonial law cases, said married men mired in marital problems were increasingly becoming aware of the importance of being a father. “As divorcing couples are growing younger (with a majority of the cases falling in the age group of mid-20s to mid-30s), divorcing fathers in Mumbai are maturing and are not relinquishing their responsibility and in fact want to play an equal part in raising their child,’’ she said.
There is some amount of role-reversal too. “When both parents are working, sharing duties in the upbringing of their child is sometimes a direct fallout. I have had cases where fathers are not averse to restructuring their work to be able to spend more time at home with the baby,’’ Kadam said, adding: “It’s no longer that a man slams the door shut on the marriage, wife and children and is happy to pay out a small alimony and start life afresh.’’
Fathers clearly want to have a greater say in their children’s development. Fund manager Mahesh Shah (name changed), after a near four-year separation since his wife left home along with their only daughter, has had no father-daughter time.
“Each time I want access to her during school holidays, I have to make applications to the court. Access is otherwise only allowed for two hours every 15 days in the 200-sq-ft room on the court premises. The court has tried to brighten the room but it is still dreary with broken toys scattered around and is hardly a place where precious time can be spent with one’s child. The few chairs make it difficult for an extended family gathering and grandparents especially find it difficult to sit there.’’
Added another parent: “I travel 18 km every morning just to wave at my daughter when she reaches school in Andheri at 7.30am; out of sight may mean out of mind.’’
He also points out that the issue of overnight access of the child is often a prickly one between warring parents. One father recently could not get his son to stay over on his birthday. Divorce lawyers say there needs to be legal reforms, especially when it comes to child access and custody in India.
Another CICT member said: “An issue that is often overlooked is the child’s mental and emotional development. There is no evaluation done and we hope to emphasise that child-rearing should be shared equally by both parents. CITC’s goal is to strengthen family relationships by providing significant quality time and support to kids coping with divorce.’’
The CITC idea came up one Sunday at the MMRDA food court months ago. The members now meet regularly to meet their goals, which are to avoid making a child silent sufferer in legal battle for equal custody.
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